Cleaning house and mind

So recently I’ve been very depressed and mostly because of my own doing.

I haven’t been doing everything I need to be doing and because of that I make things worse on myself which in turn causes me to become depressed. I’m trying to get better at doing things when I need to but it’s still hard. For instance, after Donnie agitated me for 3 months I finally did my taxes even though I got very frustrated with them midway. I’m happy I finally did them but I still have other things I need to do. I need to get a better paying job for one, and I haven’t done much to help myself in that department. I need to get my car fixed which is next on my list of things to do. Luckily my dad sent me the money I needed for that but I wish I could have found a way to do it that didn’t consist of me selling my soul to the devil. Sometimes I feel I can’t do anything unless someone is there holding my hand. I really don’t know what to do most of the time even when the answer is obvious.

Currently, the most important thing I need to do is clean house. When I am motivated to clean it takes me forever to get on a good path. It seems when I clean it takes me two hours running back and forth before I finally start cleaning really well… this is hard to explain but I think some of it has to do with my A.D.D. and partly because I feel helpless and don’t know what to do. Also when it comes to a lot of the cleaning… both Donnie and I need to do it together. Unfortunately every time he doesn’t feel like cleaning I don’t want to clean and vice versa when I don’t feel like it. We can’t ever find a time where we both have time together and the want to clean at the same time. I don’t know what to do. I tried cleaning alone but I get overwhelmed doing it alone. I wish I could get someone to come over and just keep me on task. I don’t expect them to clean but just to keep me on it and suggest things and be my cheering squad of sorts.

I have been able to keep the living room decent at least but that only makes me feel better for so long. I feel overpowered by cleaning so how am I supposed to tackle anything else if just the house work is keeping my ass kicked? Any suggestions or help would be appreciated. I know Donnie is in the same boat. I don’t know how to keep myself positive and motivated plus finding ways of getting Donnie motivated. I’ve tried to get him motivated and myself motivated at the same time which only causes us to bicker. I guess I am not very good at motivational speaking.

Needing money has also been stressing me out. I need to pay some things off and I want them done NOW. But they can’t be done now so it only stresses me out. I do not like asking for help but I would appreciate any help right now. I can’t stand all this stress anymore and I don’t want to blow up because of it.

I apprecaite comments and I also thank anyone who reads this for listening to my rants.

Werewolfchibichan

My ponytail is going on vacation for awhile... sad...